I'm so tired. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep before my head reached my pillow last night. David swears I was mean to Reagan. She was begging me to cuddle with her, and in my tired stupor, he said I just kept saying, "Don't touch me. Leave me alone." Hey, sometimes I just need some personal space!
Today was Anna's second birthday. Twenty four months of pure craziness and exhaustion. When I went back to work when Anna was just 3 months old, I had no idea how tired I would be. Having one baby was tough, transitioning to two was something I was not really prepared for. Hats off to people who do it more than that! Two babies within 13.5 months of one another cured my baby fever. Fovever.
When Reagan was just a couple months old, I remember looking at her toothy grin and wanting to just be able to bottle that moment for another day. Her little bald head, her coos that only an infant could make, and the exclusiveness of the relationship I had with her then (I had just found out we were expecting #2 and I was more than overwhelmed and feeling incredibly guilty).
Since Anna's arrival, it's like my life has finally clicked. Despite the chaos, it's like this is what I was meant to do. I like the balancing act of motherhood and school, even though I haven't quite managed to have much of a personal or social life. I realized recently that I haven't had a haircut since Spring Break...of last year. Eeek!
Having two small kids is expensive and that was our biggest concern when we were trying to figure out the big picture when those two little lines appeared. I wish I could say we were instantly happy. I instantly wanted to throw up, and I didn't have morning sickness with Anna at all. I was terrified. Somehow, God has provided for our family. We don't have everything we'd like, but we certainly have everything we need. When I look at my little girls, their adoring daddy, and their loving big brother, I'm fully content. The fact that we have quality childcare, reliable transportation, & balanced meals on our table are something I don't take for granted and am truly grateful for.
Last night, I slept better than I had in recent weeks. I'll take that as a thanks from my newly turned two year old for being such an awesome momma. At two, she still wakes up at least once a night and will not go back to sleep without some mommy snuggles.This evening after our romp in the backyard and devouring pizza & cookie cake, I plopped the girls in the tub, hopped in the shower and hoped to get us all in and out quickly. Unfortunately, at least for my desire to shower in solitude, I saw Anna's leg over the side of the bathtub trying to escape. So, with the shampoo still in my hair, I dashed out of the shower, and when I got back in, I had two pint sized guests. Instead of sighing heavily thinking about how I never get any time alone, I looked at my two blue eyed princesses and thought about those bottled moments. This was another time I would love to keep again for another day. Sweet little giggly girls who just want to hang out with their mommy. That won't always be the case. Reagan won't always want her "hair-do" to be a "mommy bun" and Anna won't always need me to soothe away the night time boogie man. So, while it's exhausting, it's probably the most fun work I'll ever get to do.
I was flipping through old pictures today, scanning this day in my social media history via Timehop and I found this quote I shared last year this time. "The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything." I have always been an optimist, and certainly I don't really have many burdens in my life, but we definitely have had to make sacrifices the past few years. I'm a little sentimental too, which rarely happens anymore, something about my second child has left me little time to get sappy. Often though, I see families whose lifestyles are much more lavish than ours. I used to be a bit envious. But once I started looking in and not out, I realized that my happy isn't found in stuff. It's found in the moments I'd like to relive over and over again.
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