Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year, Old Me

Last week my sister visited.  I had already dropped the girls off at daycare, and she came in ready to conquer our mission of my last minute Christmas shopping.  On our rush out the door, I realized that I really didn't need to carry the huge J.J. Cole bag I claim to be my purse, but is actually a diaper bag. I pilfered through the mudroom closet and pulled out a black purse.  A cute small bag that hadn't seen the outside of my house since April 2011.  Inside there was only a hairbrush, a pair of over-sized sunglasses, a planner, and an appointment card.  The appointment card helped me pinpoint the last time I used the bag.  It was for a follow up appointment for my blood pressure check after Reagan had just been born. The planner hadn't been written in since March of the same year.  Nearly every day that month had neatly written plans.  Birth and baby classes at Women's Hospital, baby showers every weekend, report cards, staff meetings, parent/teacher conferences I was trying to squeeze in before I went on maternity leave were all penciled in.  The rest of the year was blank.  A baby really does change everything.

As we left the house that day I thought about how the last four years have really, really changed me.  I have a rat's nest of hair that hangs over half way to my waist.  I may keep a brush with me, but it's for pint sized beauty queens, not me. I have 1235080539438 pairs of sunglasses I never can find.  I keep dates in my smartphone, but kinda miss the fun that came with whipping out my day planner.  My sister has seen the chaos I live in.  The craziness I wouldn't wish on anyone, yet wouldn't take anything for.  That kid free day shopping; every little face I saw, every cry I heard across the mall, made me miss my rugrats.  Despite the fact the shopping day, the solo time was needed (and wanted), when my little ones aren't with me, I always feel like something is missing. The old me had no idea what I was getting into when that baby hiccuped in my tummy, but life raced on to a new normal.

People use this time of year to make resolutions and plans for changes in the new year.  As 2015 is just a couple hours away, I sit here pondering what changes do I need to make in my life? So many changes have already happened so quickly. My best friend welcomed her second baby recently and sent me a text yesterday asking me if all the cool girls drove gray Honda minivans. Well, I looked down... I may or may not have been wearing leggings as pants shopping with all three kids at the market looking less than cool, but for her sake, I said "sure!" But I did confess my current state, because she is my best friend, and really at this point, I have very little shame. In 2015 though, I want to remember before I was mommy: fixer of boo boos, queen of juggling dinner recipes and lesson plans, that I was a pretty okay gal too. I do want to eat better, make sure the girls always brush their teeth before bed, have a little more patience, spend less time worrying and more time praying. That should probably be my resolution every year.  Right now though, instead of rushing to change things about me, I'm just incredibly grateful for all the changes I didn't realize were going to happen.  But I'm REALLY going to try not to wear leggings as pants outside this house again...maybe.