My prison turns to ruin when Your love moves in.
I hummed these lyrics today, over and over. Turns out these words were on my heart for a reason.
These times we're living in, they're full of a lot of unknown. I have candidly admitted a lot of my shortcomings to myself and my small group ladies lately. I know that I worry. I know that I put a lot of pressure on myself. I have always told others that I'm replaceable at work (that's one of the things I remember telling a coworker before we listed our home and were planning on moving). There will be other teachers to take my place, and they'll be great. Now at home, I'd like to think I'm a little more irreplaceable, but after telling my youngest she was being an idiot this morning, I doubt I will be winning mother of the year anytime soon either.
So, back to the unknown. I like to think I have some control over things. Outcomes and data are something we are forced to look as teachers. I want to do things within my classroom to encourage positive outcomes. I want to love people and them to see God's light through that love. I just want to promote peace and harmony and I'd probably drive a VW van cross country living that hippie life had I been born in a different time.
Well, my fears this year are brought to the forefront every time the phone rings. Today I got the dreaded call that we will be learning at home for two weeks, and you know, there's nothing I can do about it. And His love filled my heart and I didn't cry (a month ago I might have). I didn't get angry, because I knew we can handle it. I'm not thrilled. No teacher ever went to school to impact the lives of children to do so through a screen. Or on a hybrid schedule. But we've been given the unique opportunity to teach students EXACTLY where they are physically and that's actually pretty awesome.
On the flip side, our family has been facing some personal uncertainty and I've been mostly at peace about it until lately. When the sand in the hourglass is running out, I guess that's where your true judge of character is. Those lyrics came back today and I thought about the context of the song. It compares our fears to walls of Jericho. You know, Joshua and his army didn't bomb the city. They followed God's orders. They marched around the city. God brought those walls down. So what does He command of us in today's time? In John 13:34 Jesus commands us to love one another just as he loved us.
So, love your family, love your friends, love your students, love your neighbors.... I'm not saying I've got remote teaching down pat. I'm not saying I'm completely at peace with the uncertainty we are facing. I'm just saying Jesus didn't let the world get in the way of sharing the love and we can't either. When I'm less focused on me and more focused on others, that's when I feel most at peace and closest to God. I'm still very humbly human, but I'm going to love my way through all my fears.
