A few weeks ago I talked with my little pals at church about sharing--sharing even when we don't feel we have enough. I had packed a bottle of oil & flour for the kids to see the story come to life and as I brought home these items, I couldn't help but think of the times where I have felt like I don't have enough.
We've all heard you cannot pour from an empty cup, and if you haven't, take those words to heart. But what about when your cup is only a quarter full? Or you just have enough for one aspect of your life (teacher friends, you get this, right?). What do we do then?
I think back just a year ago. It was January and my colleague across the hall popped in during specials time to me all but sobbing at my kidney table. Luckily, not only a colleague but the dearest of friends, she understood, closed my door and let me regain my composure within my planning period. You see, at this point I felt I had nothing left to give. My school babies were struggling. They were NOT going to reach proficiency (and there was nothing short of a miracle I could do to get them there). My baby was struggling. Her little reading assessment running man was in the yellow, and I felt I was failing her. My oldest daughter had just had head lice and my whole house was bagged and washed and I tore a muscle in my shoulder from standing over her for hours going through every strand of hair. I was completely floundering. I had NOTHING left to give anyone.... but yet somehow, I did. I kept my PTA position running, my class GREW tremendously (even if that didn't mean they passed), lice came and went, and my baby was back on track by the end of the year. I gleaned as much from the preschool lessons I taught at church (as I still do), and God worked through my devotions, time with my small group, and built my weary heart back up through small successes that moved mountains.
I often wonder how people without faith live without it. After the rough winter, my husband and I sat down and reevaluated our goals. When we got married, our plan was to not stay in our home and we always wanted to move closer to our families. This was detoured by babies and a poor housing market. We decided to trust that if God wanted this to happen, we were going to do our part. We listed our house in April, had multiple offers the first week on the market, and were lucky enough to sign paperwork that same week. Three kids and a staged house while working full time was not in the cards for long--thank goodness. I anxiously awaited the final puzzle piece of our move after we closed on our new house in June. And somehow, I ended up finding a job just a five minute drive from home. My little reader has read over 150 books to me since September. We all have a little more time together within our four walls and outside of the brick and mortar of the school building or running here and there and everywhere in the minivan. Because I'm the new girl, I have a few fewer responsibilities at work (much to the celebration of my family), which has allowed me time to start a running club, really focus on my fifth graders, and find a better balance between work and home. Sometimes a fresh start isn't the scariest of things after all.
After a time I felt not enough, I look back and realize that somehow I was. Not because of me, but because of blind faith and admitting that I was on empty. Somehow something even greater was in the cards for us. Today Anna's teacher bragged on her reading. She's come so far in just a quick year. If you had told me a year ago that I'd be sitting in the living room of a new home, with my children happily adjusted and enthusiastic about school, I might have wanted to believe you. I might have thought that sounded like only a farfetched dream. But tonight it's not. It's a real blessing.
Like the widow trusted God and Elijah's request for the oil & flour to be made into bread, even when she didn't have enough, He still takes that not enough and makes it plenty. When I felt like I couldn't possibly handle one more blow, somehow we weathered the storm and came out with even more than I could have imagined. Not every day is perfect, there are still days I feel defeated, but I've learned to appreciate the journey with a little more focus on Him and a lot less on me.
